Universal Spoiler Alert
Warning: I will ruin everything.
Please be advised that by reading my essays you are acknowledging that I have warned you: I am a ruiner of things.
If I start talking about a show or a movie that you haven’t seen and you’re like, hmm, is she going to ruin this for me? The answer is yes, probably. Turn back. Stop reading. Unless you really don’t care and you’re not going to watch that show anyway. On the other hand, how do you know?
It’s not that I want to spoil things for people. I don’t mean to reveal “he’s allergic to bees” without thinking about how that knowledge might impact you if you haven’t seen that movie before.
And believe me, I have witnessed first-hand how spoilers suck the pleasure right out of the viewing experience.
I am a ruiner of things.
My best friend Hari once urged me to reveal the twist at the end of The Sixth Sense and she was so convincing: … Oh, I don’t care, I’m never going to see it anyway, whatever, just tell me …
So I told her, and then when she finally saw the movie, she was like, “meh.” And I was like, “But, but, but! You knew the ending!”
Alas, once the secret’s out, it can’t be put back in.
I will do my best not to ruin things for you, but chances are pretty good I’m going to.
So if you don’t want to know who Gossip Girl is (or Lady Whistledown for that matter), and if you think it would ruin The O.C. to know who Ryan ends up with or what happens to Buffy’s mom or How Ted Met Your Mother or Bill’s fate at the end of Big Love, well, all I can say is: Proceed with caution. I will ruin it. I am a ruiner of things. I’m sorry. At least I didn’t tell you he was dead the whole time.
Damn.
